You're a WHAT?
by Itachi-kunsOneTrueLover
Summary: 17 year old Naruto has 20 days to lose his virginity otherwise, lets just say...he'll be breaking fingers and waiting on his bff's. Join him on his quest to get laid. After all senior year is full of surprises right?
1. You're a WHAT

Hey everyone a new story for you! Well I just thought of this and thought it would be fun. This is a Narhina SasuSaku and NejiTen fic. If there is any other pairing, I will add to the list ok.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

**You're a WHAT?**

"A virgin you heard me." Naruto Uzamaki stated easily as he brushed a hand through his vibrant blond locks.

"Dobe, were 17 how can you not be laid." Sasuke Uchiha questioned with a hint of mockery while flipping his raven bangs out of his face.

The usually stoic Neji couldn't help but snigger at the revelation. "Hm, to think I had too much faith in you."

Naruto jumped up from out of his chair, "Don't tell me you've all been laid!"

The stoic guys looked at each other, "We have, along with all the other guys at school. Even LEE has been laid."

"LEE?" Naruto shouted in Sasuke's ears completely disbelieving the fact that Rock Lee, the freakiest guy in their grade had been laid before him!

"Shut. Up. Dobe." Sasuke seethed as he grabbed Naruto by his school uniform tie and pushed him away.

A perfect smirk formed on Sasukes' lips. Neji raised an eyebrow as if silently asking him to speak. "Dobe, you have to get laid in 20 days."

"NANI?" The blond screeched again. "But isn't that prom?"

Neji chucked lightly at Sasuke's plan, the Uchiha was still as sharp as ever. "Exactly, meaning if you don't get laid in 20 days then…"

Sasuke looked over his shoulders and then narrowed his eyes at Naruto, "you don't, THEN you have to become our servant for a month and be Tsunade's masseuse. Tsunade was there 50 year old headmaster who looked about 20 and was a former wrestler. When she had massages, the masseuse usually broke there fingers on one or more occasions.

Naruto gaped at the bet, "And what's in it for me"

"Nothing just the satisfaction of being laid." Sasuke replied carelessly as he loosened his shirt collar.

Naruto POV

Ok so you're probably wondering what the heck right? Well Sasuke and I go way back! Were best friends actually even though we fight a lot…it's just that Sasuke-teme likes his space. We met up with Neji in our first year of high school. Funny thing actually Sasuke beat him up on the 1st day because of this "disagreement" they had but now were all besties. So here's my story, I never met my parents, in fact they supposedly died before I was born, but I was raised by my god father, Jiriya, the king of all perverts. Which was turned out to be a benefit for me. Especially in my senior year, which is this year. See Jiriya writes these porno books, which my math teacher is obsessed with. I wouldn't call it bribing. It'd be more fair trade, see I'd give him the newest edition and he gives me some (tons) of extra credit points. Math has never been a strong subject for me, but if I don't pass I won't inherit anything my parents left me, and from what I know they're billionaires. But of course not richer then Sasuke or Neji. Sasuke now, there's a funny story. Pretty messed up if you ask me. So his older brother Itachi, Sasuke's idol at one point in his life, killed his entire family. Crazy right? But don't worry there's no killer on the loose, he was executed a long time ago. Sasuke just shuts everyone away now. What an angsty little boy he is. Neji on the other hand was raised by his uncle 'cuz his father died in the army. His uncle is seriously uptight about chilling Wednesdays. He needs a drink. No joke.

So how we got the "you're a virgin" thing. That's where it gets a little interesting. Ok so we just back from the typical day of school, being harassed by Sasuke's fan-girls, and loaded with homework, people these days, don't they know its chilling Wednesday? Well were here chilling at Sasuke's bachelor crib. Living alone has its benefits. The talk to virginity was brought up 'cuz that horny little boy Sasuke was talking about his girlfriend Sakura. Polar opposites trust me. She has pink hair, and Sasuke just told us its natural. Jeez, like going _down_ there on a girl should be discussed. And people say he's stoic. NOT true. So anyways, I said you actually went down there and he was all insert hair flip "yeaahh…."

And then I was all what? "Im a virgin."

Then they were all liiike "youre a what."

So as you know now, Im Naruto Uzamaki, and I have 20 days to lose my virginity.


	2. 20 more days, starting today

You're a WHAT? Take 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

_Previously_

_So how we got the "you're a virgin" thing. That's where it gets a little interesting. Ok so we just back from the typical day of school, being harassed by Sasuke's fan-girls, and loaded with homework, people these days, don't they know its chilling Wednesday? Well were here chilling at Sasuke's bachelor crib. Living alone has its benefits. The talk to virginity was brought up 'cuz that horny little boy Sasuke was talking about his girlfriend Sakura. Polar opposites trust me. She has pink hair, and Sasuke just told us its natural. Jeez, like going down there on a girl should be discussed. And people say he's stoic. NOT true. So anyways, I said you actually went down there and he was all insert hair flip "yeaahh…."_

_And then I was all what? "Im a virgin."_

_Then they were all liiike "youre a what."_

_So as you know now, Im Naruto Uzamaki, and I have 20 days to lose my virginity_

* * *

**Naruto POV**

"Work those muscles ladies! Now twist, twist, high-kick, twist, twist, opposite leg, high-kick. Good job ladies." The flat screen in Naruto's room blared.

Ah! You caught me. This is my morning routine for wake-ups. Never tell the guys this, they wouldn't ever let me live this down for the rest of my life. Not really fair, I know. So I came across these videos a while back actually, sad enough to admit, but they were among my mother's possessions side. But hey, at least I can say im 'in touch with my feminine side right.'

But seriously! Do YOU think Sasuke or Neji can get their asses THIS fit? I mean please, They couldn't anyways. Neji would be all ' its not my fate to watch this.' And Sasuke would be all, 'No'

You know, with all this explaining slash cover up I'm getting kind of hungry. Off to the Kit-SHIT!

* * *

**Normal POV**

Naruto forgot he was making his way downstairs, so of course our blond friend had a mishap and tripped over the first step, therefore having him tumble down the flight of stairs.

After face planting himself into the peach carpet, he sprung up back into action. "Time for Breakfat."

He continued his way to the kitchen jumping over any unidentified object.

"Cuz it's breakfast, its breakfast the most important meal of the day! HEY!" Naruto sang exuberantly and he grabbed a cup 'o noodles and popped it into the microwave.

"Ahh Ramen! Yu-Yu-Ummm" Naruto began inhaling the steaming hot ramen, after he downed the contents his eyes bulged in realization, "HOT, HOT, HOT" Upon his yelling his sleek phone began to ring. Oh how he loved the ring tone. 'Dobe pick up your phone' and repeated accordingly. It was Sasuke!

Forgetting his prior issues, he slid across the counter landing right next to his phone, picking up his phone, he flipped his hair, "talk to me" he answered ever so smoothly.

"Hn, your late." A clearly irritated voice scratched.

"No, school starts in 30 minutes teme-chan" Naruto smartly stated as he took a swig out of his water to cool the burning sensation in his mouth.

You could almost hear the guy on the other line shudder. "No dobe no baka. We said yesterday that Sakura and Ten-Ten were going to check your wardrobe."

No he felt a little dumb, "ohhhhh…so what should I do now?"

"Open the door."

Naruto put down his phone and stealthily made his way to the front door peeking through the curtains.

"Dobe, I see you."

Shit! He cursed inwardly, He blew his cover.

"Dobe you had no cover so open the door, I don't appreciate standing at your door"

Was he a mind reader? Man, Sasuke's good when he's good. Naruto threw the door open engulfing Sasuke into a huge hug. Though he was immediately thrown off.

"Te-" Before Naruto could speak Sauske stared stoically, "Im not a mind reader."

Officially weirded out, "Oh yeah?" Naruto tried cockily, trying to one-up the Uchiha, "Well you are creepy."

"Meh, it's just obvious."

"Actually-" Cut off again…..damn…

"Okay dobe, since you kept Sakura waiting at your door while you did your little chick exercises, I'm inspecting your fit today." (A/N: fit means outfit kk)

Naruto seemingly froze, Sasuke knew about that? Dammnn…. "Eh heh…..HOW long have you known that?"

"8th grade" The best friend replied stoically.

"Does Nej-"

"Hey Sasuke, oh I see Naruto finished his little work out?" Neji made his way up the front steps with a little evil glint in his pale lavender eyes.

"Okay, act like I'm not here." Naruto pouted though he was slightly mortified that his friends knew his secret. But only slightly, I mean he's Naruto.

Sasuke brushed off anything Naruto had previously said, not finding anything "Okay dobe turn around."

Naruto obediently listened as Sasuke and Neji checked his fit. Today he was sporting dark washed jeans like his friends, a vibrant orange shirt followed by his black on green letterman jacket for football. What he was wearing was extremely similar to Neji and Sasuke, minus the orange shirt. Sasuke had a black shirt while Neji had a white one on.

"Didn't I tell you he was going to wear orange?" Sasuke pointed out to Neji.

"Well I knew that too." Neji said as he somewhat pouted. But not really.

"Again, talk like I'm not here why don't you."

"Dobe, Change your shirt." Sasuke pointed out, clearly ignoring Naruto.

On cue, Naruto started, "But I like this shirt!"

"Meh, wear this blue one," The raven hair teen casually said as he threw a dark blue shirt in Naruto's face.

"Teme-chan and Birdy-chan don't like my shirt." Naruto said childishly as he made his utterly cute puppy dog pout.

The two stoic friends cringed at the nickname then without fail slapped Naruto upside the head. "Dobe just change your shirt." Sasuke said with a casual glare that could only work for him.

"Fine Fine, always pick on the happy kid." And with that Naruto changed his shirt and put back on the jacket.

"Alright, Let's go" Naruto announced as he worked on the last button of the shirt.

The infamous trio piled into Sasuke's car, of course with Naruto in the backseat.

The Sasuke turned on the radio and blasted some metal while putting on his stunna sunglasses. Neji and Naruto followed in suite.

"Now this is what I'm talking about" Naruto stretched out his arms, "Teme, where's Sakura?"

"After you stood her and Ten-Ten up, they went to Starbucks, so they should be at school already." Sasuke replied easily.

"Dude teme! It was one time!" Naruto yelled as he defended himself. He knew Sasuke was blaming him and was clearly unhappy about that despite the cool exterior.

Neji chuckled, "You wouldn't have done that freshman year." He finished with a knowing look pointed in the mirror so Naruto would see.

That's when Naruto stopped talking. Of course Neji had to bring up that he had a massive crush on Sakura in freshman year. But did he really need to say that in front of Sasuke? Of course being clam, cool, or collected, Sasuke looked completely indifferent.

"Eh he he…this is sorta awkward." Naruto said as he rubbed the back of his head foolishly.

"Not really," Sasuke countered lightly. Still not caring about the topic of the conversation.

* * *

With that the Sasuke being completely suave, pulled into the free parking space. As they got out of the car, Sakura and Ten-Ten pulled into the spot next to them.

"HEY GUYS!" The girls shrieked as they spotted their man candy. (A/N lol) Sakura jumped out of the car and made her way towards Sasuke then encircling him in a hug followed by a quick peck on the lips. Neji and Ten-Ten followed in suit.

"Sasuke-kun.." Sakura trailed off as said guy placed another kiss on her glossed lips.

"Hm?"

"I got you something!" Sakura said enthusiastically as her bright emerald orbs lite up.

"And what would that be?" Sasuke questioned, clearly thinking something perverted.

"Sasuke!" Sakura slapped his shoulder playfully. "It's much better!" She drawled out batting her eyelashes and licking her bottom lip seductively.

Said boyfriend raised a perfect eyebrow. "Really now" Not quite believing her.

"Of course! One, two, three. BAM! Its Starbucks!" And with that the drink landed in his hands.

He gave her a small smile but his eyes clearly showed disappointment. Sakura also caught onto the disappointment. She smiled knowingly at his behavior, "And of course you'll need that energy for what we're doing after school…"

Sasuke's eyes immediately sparked with interest as he crashed his lips to Sakura's with much appreciation. Ten-Ten and Neji followed their morning make-out ritual without fail.

Naruto, feeling a little left out, made his way into the school and ran into the one and only, Hinata Hyuuga. The shyest girl and also the sweetest at Konoha Prep School. While other mindless girls spent hours spreading useless gossip and throwing themselves at Sasuke or Neji, she would be found reading or studying.

Although all that work was done in vain since her father forced studying upon her so she wouldn't dishonor the family name. She was also Neji's cousin and compared to him and constantly belittled by her family for not being able to match Neji's high marks in his classes. From what Neji told Naruto he didn't seem to incredibly fond of Hinata. That being a major understatement.

"Ah! G-Gomen Nar-Naruto-Ku-kun." Hinata stuttered as she bumped into her crush causing her books to fall to the floor.

Naruto and Hinata shot down immediately. "Oh no problem, I wasn't paying attention."

And with that Naruto handed her the books. Hinata adjusted her glasses,

"It's al-alright." She smiled sweetly and continued making her way to her homeroom.

Without even thinking twice Naruto called out, "Wait Hinata!"

Instantaneously, said girl turned around automatically allowing her shoulder length lavender hair to flip.

She looked expectantly at Naruto her eyes widened when she saw him run towards her, "I'll walk with you to homeroom."

She smiled another sweet smile, "Um Alright."

So then the two walked in step to Kakashi sensei's History class, which was also their homeroom. As the walked in step with each other, Hinata spoke up, "Where's Sasuke and Neji-niisan?"

Hinata could've sworn she saw his beautiful features be graced with a clouded look.

"Oh they're with Sakura and Ten-Ten."

Hinata gave him a small smile, "oh well that's nice."

"It is! You should have seen teme-chan this morning!"

The shy girl couldn't help but giggle at Sasuke's nickname.

"….yeah and then he made me change my shirt. So that's why I'm wearing blue."

"W-well blue loo-looks r-rather ni-nice on y-you N-naruto-kun." she said as she looked down to hide the bright blush adorning her petite features.

"Awww thanks Hina-chan!" Naruto exclaimed as he engulfed Hinata into a huge bear hug.

Hinata smiled at the nickname Naruto-kun gave her.

Naruto joked, "Well it does bring out my eyes,"

"O-of course," Hinata finished with a small smile.

"Were going to be on time to homeroom! Believe it!" Naruto shouted to Hinata after glancing at his watch. He grabbed Hinata's arm and began running at an extremely fast pace to homeroom with Kakashi-sensei.

Just as the pair arrived in the class, all the other students were already seated looking at them with mild interest. Neji seemed to have noticed Naruto's arm still entwined with Hinata and shot a menacing glare at Naruto.

Naruto, feeling the radiation of malice of the glare began to smile sheepishly as he made his way to his seat next to Sasuke. Hinata followed in suite but made her way over to her friends Kiba and Shino.

As Naruto plopped down in his seat he though about the previous events, he came to a few conclusions, Hina-chan is nice, Neji is freaky, and Sasuke is strange.

With a elegant slap, Sasuke brought Naruto out of his trance.

"GAH! Teme-chan! Was that necessary?"

He smirked knowingly, "20 days, starting today…"

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

Relization hit Naruto in the face, almost harder that Sasuke's slap.

…_oh fuck…_Naruto thought to himself, and began hitting his head on the desk continuously. Shortly after Kakahi came in and threw a bored look to Naruto's direction,

"Try not to lose anymore brain cells Naruto-kun, we have a pop quiz."

The class whined and groaned in unison,

…_double fuck…_

That's when he knew, someone up there was clearly laughing at him. _This is some way to start the day…_

* * *

A **letterman**, in U.S. sports, performing arts or academics, is a high school or college student who has met a specified level of participation and/or performance on a varsity athletic team, marching band, or in other performance school-sponsored activities.

How was that? Sorry i took a while to update... Well i hope you guys liked that. OH and if you have any ideas pleasee tell me! Im not really sure of which direction i wanna take the story so yeahh...

...


	3. Prom Date?

Hey sorry for the latee update. Got caught up in a lot of stuff and I'm trying to finish my other story, so I can focus on this one. Oh and if anyone has any suggestions on stuff to add to the plot LET ME KNOW! I honestly don't wanna go into writers block or have the story be tooooooo short!. On with the story…

--

_Previously On You're A What?!_

_As Naruto plopped down in his seat he though about the previous events, he came to a few conclusions, Hina-chan is nice, Neji is freaky, and Sasuke is strange._

_With a elegant slap, Sasuke brought Naruto out of his trance. _

"_GAH! Teme-chan! Was that necessary?"_

_He smirked knowingly, "20 days, starting today…"_

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

_Relization hit Naruto in the face, almost harder that Sasuke's slap. _

…_oh fuck…Naruto thought to himself, and began hitting his head on the desk continuously. Shortly after Kakahi came in and threw a bored look to Naruto's direction, _

"_Try not to lose anymore brain cells Naruto-kun, we have a pop quiz."_

_The class whined and groaned in unison, _

…_double fuck…_

_That's when he knew, someone up there was clearly laughing at him. This is some way to start the day… _

* * *

**At lunch **

Naruto, Neji, and Sasuke made their way to their lunch spot, which of course was on the front steps of the school and in the dead middle. (A.N think of the lunch spot for Blair in Gossip Girl) It was an unspoken rule that nobody could walk through it. The guys sat in their spot and began pulling out their lunches. Moments later Sakura and Ten-Ten joined them. Of course they did see Sasukes' most rabid stalker Karin, but naturally, they ignored her and she was left to wait to collect Sasuke's trash at the end of lunch.

Being unable to deal with the silence Sakura stated up the conversation, "Have you decided who you're going to take to prom Naruto?"

"No Sakura-Chan I haven't." Naruto said as casually as he could.

"Yeah well NOBODY asked ME!" Sakura emphasized as she glared at Sasuke.

Sasuke gave her a wry look then went back to eating causing Sakura to fume.

"Well then…I could always go with SAI." The rosette teen bit back knowing Sasuke would care if she did go with his enemy.

Apparently he didn't when he said bemusedly, "Have fun."

"HMPH!"

"But if you don't wanna go with him…Would you go to prom with me?" Sasuke smirked as he watched Sakuras' eyes light up.

She threw her arms around her boyfriends neck and kissed him profusely. "Yes Yes Yes!"

"Eh he he, moving on…" Ten-Ten mumbled then her eyes sparked with interest. "You know who you should take Naruto!"

Said guy rose his head slowly as he looked at Ten-Ten with a formidable expression, "No who?" He said with clear disinterest.

"Why HINATA of course!"

Her little outburst caused Neji to start choking on his water. Naruto joined him in suite in hopes of avoiding an answer. Sakura and Sasuke stopped whatever they were doing and exchanged knowing glances. Sasuke almost felt sorry for Naruto for having to deal with Neji, but he just didn't.

After Naruto and Neji finished their little episodes, Ten-Ten started again, "It's obvious she's into you and you like her too!"

"No I don't" Naruto exclaimed as he defended himself.

"That's right. You better not" Neji said as he began standing up.

This little action began to almost scare Naruto. Just almost…

"Oh get that stick out of your ass Neji! Since when did you start caring about her?" Sakura countered as she too jumped up to level him.

"I will not allow this" Neji stated stoically as he ignored Sakura's outburst. He made eye contact with Sasuke, "Uchiha, control your girlfriend." and with that he stalked off.

Sasuke was sort of pissed but he didn't show it, although he did want to wring Hyuuga's pretty neck, best friend or not.

Sakura began her ranting, "What the hell is that supposed to mean. He needs to stop being so weird, first he hates her and now he's being protective, I mean what gives!?"

Sasuke sighed and put an arm around Sakura, "Hey I'll talk to him alright?"

Sakura removed his arm, "Damn right you will!" And with that she stalked off seething to the cheerleaders section where her team mates and other best friend was.

Sasuke shrugged as he sat back down with Naruto and Ten-Ten.

Naruto looked at Ten-Ten curiously, "Aren't you gonna go talk to your boyfriend?"

The addressed girl threw her head back and laughed, "Of course not, He needs to get over his little hissy fit. And he better apologize to Sakura."

"I think that is a good idea though," Sasuke started. Which earned a choursed 'huh' from the remaining two.

"About Naruto and Hinata going to prom."

"ohhhhh" They chorused once again.

"Well there she is, go ask her." Sasuke pointed. Naruto followed his eyes which led to Hinata, She was sitting under a shaded tree reading peacefully.

'I can't just ask her!" Naruto whined making his electric blue eyes glisten.

"Sure you can!" Ten-Ten encouraged as she flashed him a reassuring smile. "She'll say yes! And if she doesn't I'll buy you ramen for a month."

Within seconds, Naruto could be seen as a blur dashing to where Hinata was.

Ten-Ten looked at Sasuke. "Sooo….."

"No"

* * *

**With Naruto and Hinata.**

Naruto took off and began running to Hinata. He did not however stop to think about what he would say. When he realized this he became very distressed and forgot that he was still running. Consequently he ran into the tree Hinata leaning against and stopped with a loud thud.

Hinata, shocked, threw her book, up in the air, which ended up crashing into Naruto's head.

The blonde teen groaned in agony as he fell on his back next to Hinata.

"Oh S-Sorry N-Naruto K-kun!" Hinata exclaimed frantically as all the blood in her body rushed to her face.

Naruto, realizing he was next to Hinata, grinned goofily as the tips of his ears burned a bright red.

"Hey Hinata-chan!"

"umm h-hey Naruto-kun…" Said girl began poking her index fingers together.

"Uh..erm..I'm not sure how to do this…but,"

The lilac eyed girl looked curiously to Naruto,

"Wouldyouwannagotopromwithme?" He said fast _very_ fast.

"U-Umm c-could you re-repeat that?" Hinata smiled sweetly.

"Yeah sure…do you wanna go to prom with me?" Naruto beamed although inside he was nervous as heck.

Before she could say anything, Hinata turned bright red and fainted.

"Hinata? Hinata? Ohhhhh shit! Neji's gonna kill me!!" Naruto waved his hands frantically in the air.

Just then the voice Naruto would only hear in his nightmares asked, "Why is Neji going to kill you?"

Naruto froze. He began turning his head slowly, _very_ slowly. When his neck was craned backwards, he saw Neji glaring at him.

Naruto quickly jumped up, and placed Hinata's unconscious form behind him.

"Neji! Neji! Buddy o' pal! What brings you here on this fine day?"

Neji remained stoic, "I go to school here. Why is my cousin on the ground like that?"

Naruto felt the sweat coming to his forehead. He began scratching the back of his head, "Hehe, Neji you kidder!…That's a funny story actually."

Neji's eyes became slits, "You drugged my cousin! You were going to use date rape!"

Hinata's eyes opened momentarily, "I would l-love to go w-with you." She said loud enough for Naruto to hear, then sunk back into unconsciousness. Naruto felt like he was going to burst from happiness. But he didn't. Neji began shouting obscenities as he began to run towards Naruto. Looking at the charging and fastly approaching Neji, whose hair was getting that wind blown effect, Naruto took off sprinting. He was praying that he could outrun Neji, but unfortunately, Neji was on the football team too. Damn his skill.

* * *

Naruto POV

Okay so birdy-chans right on my heels. Dude why the hell isn't his hair getting in the way? I mean its only tied at the _very_ bottom. Shit Shit, almost killed the old lady…double shit, she's our head masters mother. Okay I wont think about that. But it's not fair. One time at the mall, Sasuke walked into this old lady and _she_ apologized to _him _then gave him this huge hug, she also felt up his ass. I mean where's the logic right? And who would wanna feel up teme-chans' ass? Then when I run into an old lady she starts to beat me with her bag then pepper sprays me!

Okay off subject right? Neji wants to get into some kind of cat fight. He keeps reaching for my hair. If _I_ reached for his hair I'd get bitch slapped. YES! I see the doors. I have never loved those entrance doors more in my life. Almost, almost, almo- fuck."

Did I ever tell you that someone up there hates me? Well if I didn't someone up there hate me. Just my luck. This frosh got in my way and now Neji's picking me up by my collar.

Neji raises me up to his face, and wow does he look pretty, ha-ha syke, I swear I hear some growling from him, "I demand to know what you and my cousin were discussing,"

I raised my eyebrows, and gave him a look, one that said whoa-dude-you-finally-lost-it, "I just asked her to prom, chill out."

Dammit, I 'fell' on my ass, could he drop me any gentler? "Dude Neji what gives? You wouldn't care if it was another chick. And im just taking her to prom."

He seethed, "And what do people do _after_ prom. I will not allow my cousin to be a part of your bet."

Ohhhhh that makes sense. "Im not going to do that with Hinata, chill out Nej."

"Right, you better not," He spat then walked away back to our area. Probably so he can make-out with Ten-Ten or something. What a weirdo.

Hinata! I jumped higher than those ladies in the work-out tapes. Im going to prom with Hinata Hyuuga! My heart soared, and I couldn't help but parade around the school jumping up and down. She said yes! To me! And all I have to suffer is having a crazy Neji breathing down my neck, Sasuke laughing at me for the virginity issue, and Ten-Ten and Sakura obsessing over me. Greeaaat…Oh and saved by the bell. For now I have to head back to class. Ta Ta see you lat- Shit!! Revenge of the grams! I gotta go. She has a cane and pepper spray and shes not afraid to use it. Byyyeee………………….

* * *

How was that? Sorry for the late update! I'll try to post asap!! Remember any ideas are appreciated!


	4. Change?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

_Previously:_

_Hinata! I jumped higher than those ladies in the work-out tapes. Im going to prom with Hinata Hyuuga! My heart soared, and I couldn't help but parade around the school jumping up and down. She said yes! To me! And all I have to suffer is having a crazy Neji breathing down my neck, Sasuke laughing at me for the virginity issue, and Ten-Ten and Sakura obsessing over me. Greeaaat…Oh and saved by the bell. For now I have to head back to class. Ta Ta see you lat- Shit!! Revenge of the grams! I gotta go. She has a cane and pepper spray and she's not afraid to use it. Byyyeee…………………._

* * *

Naruto POV (the next day at school)

"What a great day!" I shouted to the world all while evading strange glances. I ran were up to our spot on the steps Rocky style. It was awesome. Everyone was already sitting with a Starbucks looking just dandy with the exception of Teme, shocker? Thought so. Okay so Neji's giving me this death glare and I can almost feel this evil aura surrounding him. Reassuring my thoughts Neji stands up and yells to me, "Naruto Uzamaki, I'm going to personally castrate you if you don't get you ass up here now."

Grinning broadly and ignoring Neji's little threats I ran up to him and gave him a huge hug, luckily retreating fast enough to avoid his fist.

"Aww Neji come off of it, what's your deal? Didn't we deal with this yesterday?"

He shot me this icy glare, I know he really loves me though this is just an act. "No, My uncle knows about you and Hinata's little arrangement."

My eyebrows began to inch up my forehead, "And why would I care what you're Uncle thinks? Come on Nej," I mean seriously why would I care about his _uncle_.

I saw him smirk, one of the evil kind filled with malice, "That's Hinata's _father_."

I stood corrected. Oh shit, this can't be good.

You see Neji's uncle is totally evil, he already hates me, see me and Sasuke were crashing at Neji's place. So in the middle of the night I had to use the bathroom ya know. It turns out I guess I forgot where Neji's room was because the next morning I woke up in Hiashi's bed….yeah I know awkward. We started screaming, and it ended with him chasing me out of the house with a broom. I h aven't been there since, though Sasuke is always invited back, pfft. But We usually crash at Sasuke's. Mostly because Sasuke refuses to sleep In my house, some bull shit about it being toxic waste dump, or something about it being "unsanitary". Its not my fault he's so girly and clean. It's not that bad, I even told him that. Dude funniest thing ever happened, right after I told him that he stepped on this dead bird. Sounds weird I know, but he screamed like a chick and ran out of my house, priceless.

Oh back to Neji's little revelation, "Oh shit."

He gave me that smug smirk again, "I'm pretty sure you wont be going out with her know."

"You know Neji, Its pretty weird how your uncle found this out if you hate him and Hinata doesn't talk to him."

He shrugged, "think what you want."

Ah Ha! I knew Neji ratted me out. But seriously what's his deal with me and Hinata, I mean it's not like I'm just going out with her over the bet.

"Yeah, he said he never wants to see you again,"

I waved that one off, I know he secretly loves me, "Tell him the feelings mutual."

Sasuke finally spoke, "How important is Hinata to you dobe?"

I felt my face turn red, Sakura and Ten-Ten leaned in and giggled, "She uh means a lot to me I guess."

Apparently that was the answer Sasuke wanted to hear, and the one that Neji didn't

Sakura squealed, "Awww that's sooooooo cuteee"

Ten-Ten pinched my cheeks, "our little Naruto's all grown up."

Pushing Ten-Ten away I looked back to Sasuke, "What's that gotta do with anything?"

He got back in character and put that smirk back on his face, he and Neji need to stop doing that, seriously, " Well then you need to change."

I stroked my chin, you know trying to go for that incredible suave look, "How so?"

"You need to stop acting like an idiot and be more like me and Neji."

I dropped the act faster than you can say I dropped the act,"So you want me to change everything about me to get a girl?"

He shrugged, "Sure."

"Im in." I mean what else can I do. But I agreed mostly cuz me and the guys have nothing to do tonight.

Then goes Sakura whipps out her glasses and a notepad, "Okay things we NEED to change: Hair, clothes, manners or lack of, voice, I.Q, and I'll write down more later."

Everyone nodded, I felt offended, well just a little, " But that's everything about me!"

Ten-Ten gave me this sympathetic smile or something, "But it'll get you Hinata."

"But I already _have_ her!"

"No not really. Her dad doesn't know so think of this as trying to win her dad."

"But that sucks! He hates me!"

Sasuke slapped my head, see I lose more and more brain cells from him, yet he complains that I'm dumb. Psh it's all his fault. While I tried to glare at him he started talking in that monotone, "See that's what I mean stop being loud. But that's why you're changing in the first place."

I scoffed, "Well excuse me. I'm sorry I don't talk like I have a hang over."

"Hn,"

Sakura slapped my arm, _hard, _her and Sasuke are really into marital arts and stuff we were in the same group, but Sasuke moved up a division, and I didn't find it fun so I quit, "Naruto don't talk to Sasuke like that, or I'll make you talk like you just woke up from a coma,"

"But I've ne- Oh….." Yeah she just threatened to put me in a coma and Ten-Ten high fived her, is there any justice? Meh I guess not. This change thing sounds sortra cool. At least its not like what happened in Junior year. See this one time Sasuke dared me to dress like this chick, yeah fake tits and all, and hit on Kakashi-sensei. One word, awkward. Yeah I have a lot of those kind of experiences. So Kakashi sent me to the counselor to talk to me about "coming out" yeah weird I know. I mean what the hell does coming out mean? Is it like walking out the front door or something else? Then the next day everyone saying im gay. How confusing, I mean connect those two, it doesn't make sense. What ever, this schools messed up, who else would hire porn addicts, and writers.

Sakura's talking again shit, I have no idea what she's saying. "So yeah after school come to the parking lot straight after kay?"

"Uh yeah sure." I have no clue what the hell I just agreed to.

* * *

Hey guys sorry for the shortness of the chappie!! Well just so you know im leaving on vacation tomorrow so I thought I'd update. And there's no internet so I won't be able to update. Sorrrrrry! I'll make it up to you guys with a long chappie next time mmkays?"


	5. Makeover!

Okay here's the sad truth I'm sorta getting stuck. I know bad right? So Tell me if you have any ideas for the plot!! I mean because I don't wanna make it all short and quick, or like long and boring…get it? Kays on with the story Ohhh and do you guys even read these things? I hope so.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Previously:

Sakura's talking again shit, I have no idea what she's saying. "So yeah after school come to the parking lot straight after kay?"

"Uh yeah sure." I have no clue what the hell I just agreed to.

* * *

**Present (After School) Still Naruto POV**

I walked into the parking lot with the collar or my jacket pulled up. Yeah undercover style. Only my freaking neon yellow hair screams Naruto. Okay, so basically what I'm doing is trying to avoid seeing Sakura or anyone else in the parking lot and make a run for my car, then house. Who knows what that woman planned. I know I used to like her and all, but shes one crazy chick if you let her have control. Almost like her best friend Ino, Ugh, I shivered inwardly at that thought. Ino scares the shit outta me.

Ino is by far ten times louder than me, and it gets worse, she shrieks. See there's this rumor going around that Shikamaru's gone half deaf after a uh, lets say _session. _But still guys still get with her. I wonder if Sasuke has, or Neji. Like I'm going to ask about their sex lives, or should I…..nah. They'd probably give me hell anyways.

Back to the parking lot scene. I didn't spot pink hair anywhere in the crowd, so I made a run to my car, yeah I'm that afraid. She could've had scissors. Scissors I say! Coast was clear, I backed out of the crowded parking lot, yeah surprise, Sasuke said the only thing that I _can _do is play football and drive. I'm okay with that. So after I made my getaway, I revved up the engine and made a, I laughed at the idea, I guess you could say prison break to my house. I could see the dust that was rising behind my car as I sped down the road. Yeah I'm that awesome.

Home sweet home, whoa haven't said that one in a while. I shrugged my shoulders, fiddled with the lock then made my way to some ramen. Yum. It's just always waiting for me, I feel special. Im really psyched that Hinata said yes to prom, hmm but I could've had never ending ramen for a month…interesting. I hit my head against the fridge, she was better than ramen, most definitely. Shit I thought about ramen again, I hit my head repeatedly for good measure.

"Dobe, what did I tell you about killing _more _brain cells?"

Whaaa? Is that Hinata? "H-Hinta-chan? Why're you wearin a ramen package?"

"Dobe I have a spatula. Shut up."

Wait, Hinata wouldn't threaten me with a spatula. Only Sasuke would threaten me with kitchen stuff. Oh. Now I can see the temes face.

I jumped at the realization, "Holy Papatoni Pepperoni!"

He gave me a blank look, "I choose to ignore that."

"Wha-"

"**Naruto Uzamaki! I'm going to kill you!**"

I cringed, shit Sakura. I completely forgot about her, leave it to Sasuke to bring her to me. Then I saw it. They were silver, smooth, and shiny. "Oh My Gosh" I did not know my voice could go that high but for once, I didn't stop to think about it. I only knew one thing. I needed to run. And FAST.

I dashed around my table, thank god I kept it there, it was a perfect circle.

"Naruto you ass! I can't believe you stood me up after school! I waited in the parking lot for 30 minutes! I'm going to fucking castrate you. Do you know how dumb I looked?" She screamed to me as she pointed her scissors at me from the other side of the table.

"Sorta like how you look now?" It was a joke. Seriously. Next thing I know theres that _other _voice.

Before Sakura could scream at me through that gaping pie hole I once found attractive, what the. Double take. Buns, and long haired man candy attached. Before I could say anything, and avoid Sakura, Ten-Ten whipped something at me, and fast. It cut through my sleeve and just pricked at my skin. I turned around slowly and saw the dart that was deep in the wall. Holy Shit. Good thing Neji tried to hold her back, he shook up her usually perfect aim. She was a pro archery person. Her accuracy was deadly.

"Dammit Neji! I almost had him!" She glared at Neji who was of course unaffected and remained calm and passive.

Neji sometimes reminds me of a monk kinda guy. He's all the river flows through you and all I'm one with nature, that's why my hairs long, he can be a little strange sometimes. But this time he saved my ass. Otherwise it'd be hanging up over Ten-Tens fireplace like from that episode in Spongebob.

"Ten-Ten chill out, this isn't your fight." Neji rubbed her arms trying to calm her down from her anger.

All in all she broke away, "He just insulted Sakura, AND I was waiting for him too at her house!"

Sasuke spoke, its about time, "Sakura don't kill him or castrate him--"

I let the air I'd been holding in out and took a fresh breath, "Thanks buddy."

"Actually you can castrate him Sak,"

I turned to see Sakura's expression, her eyes seemed brightened. Ugh there's that glint again.

I gaped in horror as I thought about the pain that comes with it, "B-But why."

He gave me that wow I'm so awesome, kiss my feet smirk, "Because then you'd lose the bet." he shook his head as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Well excuse me for not thinking of that. I mean no guy in their right mind would think of a bet when their freaking unused erm, _manhood _was at stake, that's just not right.

"You and Sakura are perfect for each other Sasuke." I said bitterly as Neji and Sasuke grabbed my arms and tried to restrain me in a chair. Sakura raised her eyebrows then pointed the scissors at me, Ten-Ten just held up some duck tape.

Sasuke also let one of his eyebrows inch up his forehead, I saw the amusement in his eyes, "Why's that dobe."

"You guys are so pms-ey all the time." Yeah I regretted saying that. Sasuke twisted my arm around my head, one word, damn….

I looked over to Sakura, her expression scared the crap out of me. She did this glare thing, her eyes sparked, and she started opening and closing the scissors. Why did I offend a mad woman with scissors.

Sasuke said nothing more to me but looked to Sakura, "Sakura, honey, what do you want me to do right now?"

I gagged, _honey_ it was official, I lost my friends to the dark side. They were whipped.

I was tied to the chair, yes I went down with no fight. Sad isn't it. That's going to go in my book.

Ten-ten smiled sweetly, oh jeez, and pulled a strip of duck tape, "any last words before we start?"

"You guys are whipped," That seemed to make the guys have thoughtful expressions, I felt my mouth being pressed closed by the duck tape.

Ten-Ten laughed to Sakura. "You know my old teacher used to always say that silence was golden, but duck tape was silver."

Sakura jabbed her back playfully. "You know what Ino and I say, If you can't fix it with duck tape, you haven't used enough"

"Oh I like it."

* * *

I growled through the tape to get their attention to me they all turned to me. Apparently that snapped then out of their little worlds.

Sakura started first, "Look Naruto, were not doing this to be mean, we're trying to help you win over Hinata and her dad."

"Yeah Naruto I mean if you don't, everything wont work out." ten-ten followed.

I thought about that for a second, I guess they were right, but they didn't need to tie me up and throw darts at me.

"Dobe, it's gonna help." Sasuke gave me this tired look.

I hung my head in defeat, I mean what's he worst they could do. Then I felt my head being jerked up, and the duck tape being ripped off my face.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit" that hurt I gave them a glare, I think it was enough to make a baby laugh. That's not really my thing anyways more Sasuke's.

They all smiled innocently at me, I know they all enjoyed that part. Stupid sadistic friends.

Sakura put on her freaky doctor glasses, this time I was smart enough to not say anything about them, "Okay so were going to start on your hair,"

"Greeeaat" I hope the sarcasm was evident, they know I'm scared shitless of scissors. One time when I was about 7, Sasuke's mom took me and him to got to the hairdresser right? So we went to this place, it was pretty sweet. I sat and waited next to Sasuke in the chair, yeah he still had chicken hair, and he hated water. He's sorta like Neji now that I think about it. Actually Sasuke's more like a cat. I snorted to myself. Imagine him with cat ears.

Anyways he hated people washing his hair and stuff. So of course when I was sitting next to him there was this scowl on his face. So he got this cool guy that was funny and stuff, not that Sasuke appreciated that. I on the other hand. Got this boho hippie freak. His hair was about 20 different colors and he was obese. Yes he was humongo and about like 6'5. That's ginourmous. So he had to like freaking bend alllllllllllllllll he way over the fully raised kiddie chair. He grabbed the scissors pretty dang fast and about halfway into it cut the top of my ear.

I shuddered and closed my eyes as I saw As I saw Sakura coming towards me, I saw her morphing into the stoned hippie. Ack. Yeah Sasuke laughed at me that day for crying, everyone in the whole school knows I'm afraid of scissors too. I mean in elementary what else do you do? Arts and crafts. The teacher didn't want me to go to the next grade 'cuz I refused to participate I guess. I went to visit her last year actually, she laughed. I think she's senile now shes about 70. Yeah Sasuke was there too. And guess what went down, Yeah she groped his ass. What's so great about it anyways. Wait don't tell me. I don't even wanna know about it. How come Sasukes' ass is mentioned all the time? More like why do I always mention it. Yeeesh.

I reopened my eyes to see if she was done, she wasn't. Hair was being whipped off my head, and I saw Ten-Ten bring in some foil. What the foil. Haha, yeah, but seriously.

"Oi, Ten-Ten, what're you doing with that stuff?" My eyes shifting back and forth from my hair falling to the ground and back to the foil.

"Oh you know, stuff."

"Oh that's right, how could I've not know." I rolled my eyes, ha at least they couldn't change my eye color. Unless, You know what Im not going to ask to tell them that. I can see it already.

* * *

_Naruto's Vivid Imagination, _

_Poor helpless Naruto is being bound to a chair while the two girlfriends stomp around him, the narrator begins. _

"_Naruto." Sakura calls him, cackling like a witch would over a caldron. She raises her bony finger to his face and snaps her fingers. "Got your nose."_

_Defenseless Naruto screams as Sakura errupts into another fit of cackles. Sasuke, his once best friend turns to the dark side. He enters the dungeon with the robes of his vampire outfit billowing behind him as he shuts the door. Ten-Ten emerges out of the shadows holding a spike ball thing. Waving it teasingly in her hands, Neji behind her in an executioners mask._

_They all reach out--_

* * *

There's some weird pain in my cheek, "Ah! There's a heartbeat in my cheek"

"Why the hell are you cackling Naruto? Im trying to cut your hair! Stop moving!"

"Hey Ten-ten are you cooking again?" I sniffed around the room.

She gave me this weird look, "As if I would cook for you, that's only for Neji-kun."

Ha poor guy, "Then what's burning?"

"Oucccchh." Her blow dryer connected with my head.

I reached to touch my poor hair, shiiiiit. I retracted my hand fast from my hair. I started thrashing in my chair trying to run. "Help Help! My heads on fire."

Sasuke came through the door with a smirk on his face, "Hey Nej, Naruto's got the hots "

I didn't really pay attention to him but I heard Nej say back, "Oh yeah for who now?."

"Well, you're girlfriends blowing-" before he could finish. Neji burst through with a red face. Sasuke smirked. He wanted that to happen. Thank god Ten-Ten was oblivious and was too busy doing something with my hair. She would've hit me with the blow-dryer I bet.

"Damn you Sauske. You're one sick sick guy, you know that."

"Meh," And with that he pulled Sakura away. She called to me while Sasuke was walking her down the hall, "Don't worry I'm done anyways Naruto!"

At least the scissors were gone. Wait. "YOU GUYS BETTER NOT BE IN MY ROOM!"

I could hear laughing. I am never going to have another good night sleep no matter how many times I change those sheets. Ten-Ten gave this I feel for you laugh, "At least its not my house."

"That makes me feel tons better."

"Hey im done!" She stepped back with a smile on her face, "Neji-kun get out here!"

On cue he came back his eyes went from Ten-Ten to me, he did a double take on me, "Woah." His eyes were wide.

"I KNOW!" Ten-ten screamed excitedly. Followed by a scream by Sakura.

We all gave this eerie stare down the hallway. I shuddered. No sleep. Ever again.

We brushed it off after that, "Is it bad?" I asked them, I bet they wouldn't tell me if it was.

"Its fine." Neji said stoically, why the hell does he say it like that. Now I'm nervous.

Ten-ten saves the day, "Are you kidding me!? Neji HES HOT!"

Apparently Neji didn't want to hear that, he glared at me, "Hn." Yeah next thing you know he's going to be wearing the grim reapers outfit at the foot of my bed and shouting, 'I am death.' Its that bad.

"I'm so so sooo proud of you Naruto."

"Yeah that's great, not really. Can you untie me now?"

Next thing I know I'm free and being pushed to the mirror.

I looked into the mirror. "WOAH THERE!"

I couldn't even recognize myself. My hair was sorta on my face, it wasn't spiky. It was a lighter blonde rather that the neon kind, you know I can't really describe it. Just look at the lady who writes out my freaking life stories' page to see the picture.

I continued to stare at myself. "Hiashi has to like me now! Dattebayo!"

Neji snorted "Fat chance. He complains that im loud. And inpolite. He just doens tlike teenagers that's all"

This time it was my time to snort, "Neji. Loud? C'mon man. "

"Well only when Ten-tens there is guess…"

"I do not even want to think about that."

She stuck her tongue out at me, "Immature much?"

"No I just don't go and talk about my sex life,"

"What sex life?" She grinned then high-fived Neji.

"That was cold."

"Yeah what evs, so nyways makeover complete and oh! Sak scheduled an appointment with the dutchess,"

"And that is a-?"

"Etiquette instructer. She's a full blown bitch. We get fabulously along. So anyways don't piss her off and do everything she wants you to do got it?"

"Got it."

Man so now I'm going to be wasting my Saturday with some senile old woman. Fun stuff. This is me signing out. I need to go buy some new bed sheets, UGH. AND a new rug. I hope they get rug burn.

* * *

End. Was it horrible? I hope not okay well I got the name of the instructor cuz I remember watching this remembered watching this episode of Made. And the etiquette lady was called the dutchess. OH YEAH and go to my page I have a pic of Naruto's makeover I guess it's not realllllly a big deal or whatever but check it out if you want to, I gave a sucky description ayways.

:)

* * *


	6. SIT Grams SIT

**A/N: Okay so reasons for not updating in forever. 1. Vacatiion 2.Soccer Camp. 3. BOYFRIEND : (its not the same off and on guy!! Exciting much!). 4. Too damn lazy. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…**

_Previously:_

"_What sex life?" She grinned then high-fived Neji._

"_That was cold."_

"_Yeah what evs, so anyways makeover complete and oh! Sak scheduled an appointment with the duchess,"_

"_And that is a-?"_

"_Etiquette instructor. She's a full blown bitch. We get fabulously along. So anyways don't piss her off and do everything she wants you to do got it?"_

"_Got it."_

_Man so now I'm going to be wasting my Saturday with some senile old woman. Fun stuff. This is me signing out. I need to go buy some new bed sheets, UGH. AND a new rug. I hope they get rug burn._

* * *

_**Present:**_

"Waaaaaake Up Konoha, reporting here briiiiiiiiight and early, heeere's…" A fist connected with the radio.

I groggily rose from my bed rubbing my eyes. I looked over to the calendar and saw those dreadful words. Meeting with Duchess at 9. My eyes made there way back to the clock. The neon letters blinded my sight for a minute, but I could later make it out to be 8:30. What an unholy hour to wake up on a Saturday. Effing woman. Oh well. This was for Hinata. With the thought of Hinata to ease my sleepy mind I dragged myself over to the shower and turned the shower on….

The house echoed with a shout.

Dripping wet from the ice water that poured down on me I flicked on the radio. What was that….

OMG. I love this song. Whoa. Sakura moment.

_Livin La Vida Loca…._Hell yeah! This is my jam!

_Upside, inside out she's livin la vida loca She'll push and pull you down, livin la vida loca Her lips are devil red and her skin's the color mocha She will wear you out livin la vida loca Come On! Livin la vida loca, Come on! She's livin la vida loca. _

Forgetting about the shitty part of the morning, I put on a pair of decent smelling jeans on, and some shirt that was stain-free. Yep. I listened to Ten-Ten. She said like a billion times, no gross smelling clothes, and they have to be clean. Thank god these were clean. Since my hair was somewhat shorter I just put some water through it. Psh. I will not put product after product in it like Sasuke does. I refuse.

Okay so I got dressed, brush my teeth, brushed my hair, deodorized and I smell minty fresh. Okay well whatever people. You know what I meant. I looked to that neon clock I nearly destroyed, 8:45. Right on time baby.

* * *

**At the "Gardens"**

Okay have I ever told you Im allergic to pollen? No. Well turns out, I AM. Holy shit. Dude. My skin is itchy, I cut my nails. Where is the justice! Ew. I see the shrew woman at her table. Ha get this she has those weird "spectacles" you know, the glasses on a stick kinda thing. Whats wrong with regular glasses. I mean really. Shino looks pretty cool in them. Whatever. She probably thinks it makes her look fancy or something. I'll show her fancy. Im fancier than those cats on their little commercial.

Okay so I stop at her table. She hold her glasses out in front of her face, is she _that_ blind. I mean dude. I'm right in front of her face.

"I hate your eyebrows."

What the hell. I barely know the woman and shes insulting me. She needs to go back into her little saltine cracker can and wait a few more decades to come out.

I rubbed my head, "Uh Thanks?"

"Ugh, and your voice. Must you be so obnoxious." She spat.

Psh. I think _She_ needs to review her little manner books. 'Cuz I'm not an etiquette specialist or anything, but I'm pretty sure that's not being polite.

Ignoring the unnecessary and rude comment I pulled out his chair as freaking gentlemanly possible.

"Must you drag the chair like an animal? Lift part of the chair, then pull it out. Do you know anything." She fixed her white gloves that were probably hiding her wrinkly and discolored hands.

"I know how to brush my teeth." I flashed one of my greatest smiles that could usually got me outta anything.

This women was made of stone, I swear. A ancient insulting stone. She took one look at my chomps and was all "I hardly think that I care. And its called Crest White Strips ©"

White Strips…? Grama G please. Only Lee uses those. "So grams what're we gonna go over today."

Okay. Rewind. Kung-fu grams on the loose. She freaking grabbed this bread loaf thing from her old lady bag and swatted me with it. I mean c'mon, bread! I hate this woman.

She put those damned glasses up to her face. "Never address a lady in that manner."

I couldn't help but snort out in my head. Ha what if people started saying SOL, you know snort out loud. Wait rewind. I didn't really snort out loud. So that'd be lying or something. Unless you change it to SIT. Ha Ha. Sit. Catchy. Who doesn't know what SIT means. Dude get with the ages. Its Snort. In. Thoughts. Jealous you didn't think of that? Probably. I own SIT.

Anyways so I told grams, not the SIT thing, you know her lady comment. I was all, "I don't see a lady here?" Grams got owned.

Correction. I got owned by the loaf. Dammit, smacked with the whole wheat loaf. You know that the whole wheat one hurts more than being hit with just plain white bread loafs. Yeah I know that. Let's say Hiashi liked to play 'baker' when the guys were over at Neji's. Ha can you imagine stick up the ass Hiashi wearing an apron, wearing one of those fluffy hats, and holding out brownies. I get the image of pedophile on Halloween, you know with the brownies and all. If he didn't have two kids I'd probably think that he's never been laid. He must've paid off his wife or something. Or his family. They have the money to attract any gold-diggers. Okay that wasn't right. I shouldn't be saying anything about Hinata's mother. So shh. Don't tell her.

Well she can't know I _said_ anything, 'cuz I mean I'm thinking it. SIT owns again. Get it. Said in thoughts. It so works. The guys would think it's lame. Psh. They're lame. Okay so grams looks like she's checking me out or something. Ha score! Sasuke isn't the only one who picks up grams'. SIT makes you awesome.

So I grinned at her 'cuz im cool like that and all, well since three minutes ago. And then stared back.

She folded her napkin in her lap and started staring and doing that 'ahem' thing.

Since I just stared at her 'cuz I had no idea what the heck was going on, she was all, "Wipe that offending expression off your face. Staring is rude you know."

Can you believe this woman? She really knows how to flirt. It's like she's playing hard to get. But screw that. She ruined her chances. So I was all, "You started it!" 'Cuz I mean she did. She was gaping like a fish. That's right. I said it. Gapin' like a fish.

Muhahah. Evilness. Haha I can see it now. Grams making fishy faces and her bright red lips more pressed together than they already are. Is that possible. I'm so tempted to ask her to make a fishy face. But I do not want more bread crumbs in my hair. OH NO. I'm turning into Sasuke! (Cue the dramatic slow motion Nooo, in head of course).

Her mouth got pulled together like she was eating lemons, "Shut up you fool. Fold the damn napkin in your lap."

This grams is wild. Or bipolar. Take your pick. So then I folded the 'damn napkin' in my lap and looked to her again. Everything was gonna be good unless she brought out that bread loaf.

"So…what are we gonna learn today?"

"_You_ are going to learn proper etiquette."

"Okay…."

"Show me the salad fork."

I looked down at the table. Crap. How many different forks and spoons and knives does a person need. So I just pulled up a random fork that looked pretty cool.

Then she was all, "It would be rather hard to use a carving fork! You insufferable teenager!"

"Oh…." Dude. Hate this woman. "So which ones the salad fork?"

"The one to your left."

Finally a damn civil answer. I picked up this small-ish fork, who would've guessed. So that shit continued for about a billion (two) more hours, and later we finally got down to manners.

"No you fool! You do not say 'Sup dude to an elder!"

Dude this grams totally killed the word sup. I mean I will not use that again after this. So then I was all, "What do you say then!"

"Hello, how are you?"

"Totally 'rad thanks dude,"

She whacked me w/ the loaf for the 20th time. "I am not a dude you fool. And that was how you are to address an elder."

"Oh." The something clicked. "So am I supposed to, I dunno, say that to Hiashi Hyuuga?"

She like had a heart attack or something. The woman like jumped from her chair and was all you _know _him."

What was with this woman. I mean really. Maybe she'll be nice to me 'cuz I know him… "Yeah duh, we go like way back man." It wasn't a lie. I mean we DID go way back. But in a different way.

So the old… 'lady' ha, was all "gasp!" and then got down and started like bowing to me. Looked more like she was trying to do something w/ her old lady dress. Sick much. So then she got her senses together and was all "You are an acquaintance of Hyuuga-sama?"

Okay so I'm guessing this woman likes him or something for her to bow to me, so of course I was all, "Yeah we are like this." I crossed my fingers together to show the tightness.

"Well in that case I'm appalled about your lack of manners!"

"Hey he's cool about that stuff!"

"I highly doubt so! He is the face of our etiquette society!"

Did not know that. Ugh now this means I really need to learn this shit.

"……" Yeah I had absolutely nothing to say to that. I mean no wonder he's so uptight.

I decided to change the subject being ultra suave. "Okay let's change the subject."

I started again, "So do you know him and stuff."

Dude grams gotta gleam in her eye. Reminds me of Sakura and Ino when they start scheming or something like that. Mostly when I piss Sakura off though. That's when she attacked! Okay so I exaggerated a little. Fine a lot. She just continues glaring. Then was all "I am his ex-wife."

That defiantly rocked my calm cool and totally collected boat. I knocked over my freaking craving knife, pinning my pants to the chair. Then I fell like vertical or something with the chair attached to me. Which spilled the freakin' hot tea 'cuz I pulled the table cloth. Which spilled over the old lady who kept throwing scone, muffins, and pastry bombs at me. I kicked my feet up in an attempt to get free. But apparently my feet were under the table and…well the table sorta went up and all the crap on the table went straight to Grams. Although I can't see her face right now. I'm pretty damn sure I'm gonna get owned by that bread loaf many many _many_ more times.

So that's all for now. I need to get free of this chair and escape a Grams gone wild. Literally. And I so need to kill Sakura. I'll fill you guys in on what goes on later. Peace.

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Okay so I lied again, Here's some more SIT for you guys to enjoy….HOLY SHIT! Grams gone wild was Hiashi's ex-wife! Damnnnnn. Holy Shit! Fuck Fuck Fuck. What if Hinata's her daughter….?

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**How was that? Sorry for the late update. Im kinda sorta getting writers block for this story. So if you guys have ANY ANY ANYYY ideas or whatever you might wanna see for later chapters. PLEASE TELL ME.**

**Thanks for Reading and Reviewing!**


	7. After the Storm

**Alrighty. Let's start with the excuses I have for not updating in ages…FIRST. Highschool's keeping me pretty darn busy. The homework is killing me slowly. My friends have too many issues. The "boyfriend" I usually mention…broke up w/ me…..yeah that was great. BUT NOW, I have a new bf. And im super stoked. So he's like taking up ALL my time and stuff, not that I'm complaining. My life's pretty busy a the moment :] But im super sorry for not updating. And alsooo, im pretty retarded. I havent done a rough draft or w/e. Like I seriously don't even know how this is gonna end. So I had a little writers block too. ON WITH THE STORY!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto**

_Previously:_

_Okay so I lied again, Here's some more SIT for you guys to enjoy….HOLY SHIT! Grams gone wild was Hiashi's ex-wife! Damnnnnn. Holy Shit! Fuck Fuck Fuck. What if Hinata's her daughter….?

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_

Present:

Home at last. Hum Hallelujah, Zippidy Freaking Do Da Day. After that little life scarring episode, I can't but feel some post trauma. Oh Sakura and Ten-Ten are going down man. Wait till I get a hold of their pretty little necks! Muhahah. Or credit cards…even worse! Pshh well that's never gonna happen 'cuz their freakin boyfriends are gonna kill me. Apparently Sasuke and Neji, those fags, have never heard that saying "Bro's Before Hoe's" sigh. I'll get on with my life I guess. But first DUDE. That could be Hinata's MOTHER. Do you not understand how much I screwed this up man? That woman probably hates me! Jeeez. And I'm safe to admit she's WORSE than Hiashi!

Alright. I think I'm just gonna call Sasuke and discuss my feelings with him. OR I can just call and bitch to him. The latter sounds way more favorable if I do say so myself. So I punch in Teme's digits and listen to his little waiting music. He's so cute with his little music. Then he picks up, he sounds aggravated, tell me something that's new.

I can't help myself, I scream into the phone, "TEME! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!"

"….." The lines silent. I hope that bitch has a major hangover or something.

"TEMMIE! YOU THERE HOE?"

His teeth sound clenched together, "Shut. Up. You. Dobe."

"SASUKE! I THOUGHT I LOST YOU!"

"Fuck you."

Time to get serious man, "Dude major issue, can you and Nej get over asap?"

"I guess…I was sorta in the middle or something…"

"More important that helping you best friend!"

"Yeah." he said so unemotionally. That bitch. Were breaking up. Now I'm gonna go all Taylor Swift on that fool and write a song about him. Hell yeah!

"Psh yeah your not! What're you doin' anyways?"

"…Teaching Sakura a new cheer…"

Did his whole freaking life revolve around this! MEN! That pig. I mean really, and then that little hoe skillet knows I haven't been "laid" he likes rubbing it in. I know it.

"SASUKE! This is life threatening! Get you ass over here mister."

He groaned into the receiver, "Ughh fine. 10 minutes."

The Sakura yelled into the phone, "NARUTO! HOW'D IT GO!?"

"Horrid woman! Vanish!" And with that I hung up. I'm good when I'm good.

So ten minutes turned into an hour. Depressed from the break up I blasted Hannah Montana's new album. Yeah Boy! This stuff the shit. There's this song Super Girl. Freakin genius I tell you. So I crank up the tunes, and make myself a heart saving remedy, Ramen and Tabasco sauce. Yumm man. It bet this is better than sex. Not that I would know.

_Super cool, Super hotLiving like a RockstarYou think I'm super(you think I'm super)On the cover of your magazineWherever I go they make a sceneI'm super super!I'm super duper!_

Yes I am Super Super. This makes me feel better on so many levels. Okay so NOW its been a freaking hour plus ten minutes. Where is that hoe slice. I could be pissed off. You know this whole getting laid thing could be a sign. Maybe I'm destined to become a priest or something. Holy smokes man. Dudes. I read this thing on my email news thing. Newsflash bitches. Three priest's died after having sex! That's just freaky. So now I don't think I wanna be a priest anymore. Maybe cuz you know….I actually wanna get laid. The things life throws at you, insert a my life sucks sigh.

Is that….the door bell? Why yes it is. I put my little soul food right on the table and casually saunter to the door, or more like sprinted.

"Stud service is next door." I said with a smirk to Sasuke. Okay so not a smirk. Cuz ya know I can't smirk.

He flipped the bird to me. Ahaha No, he did no flip Neji at me. He walks in, and who is that next to him…

"Naruto you skeeze! Stop fucking staring." A pink haired monster screamed.

Guess who. Dun Dun Daaaa. Sakura Whore-uno.

Sasuke turned back around to glare at me.

"Psh well if I didn't know any better, I'd think you guys were screwing each other in the car."

They looked down.

"OHMYGOD." I knew it.

"You could've gotten in an accident" I smartly reminded the teme. Sure he can bang someone while he drives and still passes the driving test on the first try. While I had to go four times.

"Dobe…we're parked outside your house."

"Oh because that just changes things!"

"Naruto Eff you. We're here before Neji. Im sure your issue isn't a huge deal."

Psh Sakura. What does she know. Nothing that's right… "airhead.."

Pain shot through my ear.

A voice screeched, "WHO'S AN AIRHEAD!?"

"Uhmmmmmm. Me?"

Release.

"Hmph. I thought so."

Finally Neji arrived.

I beat him to my door.

"And where were YOU!"

"Jeez mom, I was doing stuff for my uncle."

"Psh."

I opened up my little box and brought out this super cool diagram I worked on.

"We are gathered here today to embrace how fucked up my life is…"

"Amen!" Sakura called from temes lap.

"Moving on….!" And so I began to tell my tale.

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_2 hours later_

"OH MY EFFING GOD!" Sakura yelled, jumping off the couch.

"Dude. That's Messed." Sasuke said…I'm pretty damn sure I saw a little smirk on his pretty face.

Neji said nothing. Shocker.

"Dude. Who knew the Duchess had game! Ex-wife Smex-wife! They were MARRIED. That's insane!"

"Yeah tell me about it." I rolled my eyes. I mean does that woman have to remind me.

"I don't think that's her mother, although that could be a possibility, considering he treats Hinata and Hanabi differently." And so he speaks! Neji makes the most sense outta all of us.

"Hey that's true! Hiashi is pretty hard on Hinata." I realized.

"So I think this means we gotta get a hold of some important papers?" Sakura smiled.

"I believe so,"

"Guys we can't just take important papers. There under lockdown, especially something this important." Neji said in his usual stoic monk voice.

"Wells I mean it can't be that hard. I'm pretty sure the guards just need a little persuasion.."

"That we'll get from else where…" Sasuke cut her off, haha she looked disappointed.

"Sounds like a plan man."

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**End. Review?  
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	8. Its Go Time

Lets start with the excuses.... Lots of homework, finals, bf, hospitals, death, funeral, back stabbers, and such.....

Sorry about the short chappie. I promise i'll update ASAP from now on... :]

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto….**

_Previously..:_

"_Guys we can't just take important papers. There under lockdown, especially something this important." Neji said in his usual stoic monk voice. _

"_Wells I mean it can't be that hard. I'm pretty sure the guards just need a little persuasion.." Sakura said……Oh beeotch Please. She is just wanting to whore her self out…not that it takes much…hehehe._

"_That we'll get from else where…" Sasuke cut her off, haha she looked disappointed._

"_Sounds like a plan man."

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_

Present:

Okay so here we are..12am. Getting ready to break some laws. Hells yeah. I know this is illegal in Japan and Canada, but screw that, this is a crisis! Crisis I repeat! Teme and Neji are doing a check of supplies, this mission was gonna go smoothly…

"Flashlight?" Sasuke started, going down the list.

"Check"

"Walkie-Talkies."

"Check"

"Emo clothes from your closet?" I had to put that in there.

"Che---. Wanna die loser?"

"Heh."

"Binoculars"

"Check-a-reck-o" Hells yeah I totally took over Neji's job.

"Dobe! Did you even check the bag!"

"I said _check a reck o!"_

"Why are do we still talk to this fag again?" Neji rubbed his temples. I swear that's all the bastard does! Rubbing your head isn't gonna solve things son. No sire.

Before Sasuke could say something mean, I interrupted that soon to be brawl. Hell Yeah. I dominate this get up.

"Because divorce is such a hassle birdy-chan."

"………"

Fuck. I see pink….and BLONDE!

The loud blonde _female_ burst through my new door….

"So I hear I gotta mission!" Ino huffed acting like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"Yo! Yamanaka! Inside voice dammit!" Sasuke yelled. Yeah yelled fool! He is not a happy little cub scout. Ha! That reminds me of that one time I was at the airport. And there was this huge shit load of cub scouts, they were like 18 years old man, but what ever. Anyways I guess I accidentally followed them and boarded their plane too. Yikes I know right? Next thing I knew I was back with Jiriya. This was when I was eight or something…Hey! Their badges things were _shiny_!

"Yo _U-chi-ha ,_" It was totally unnecessary of her to break down his name like that. " F.Y.I

I wasn't talking to you. Alrighty?"

Yeaah man. You can see some bad blood here. Ino used to be mad woman status obsessed with teme. And he basically told her as is, in front of a lot of people 'I don't like you, and never will'. That may be a slight issue between the two…more than slight cuz hell! Was she pissed! It was something like world war three at our school. And it was pretty harsh for Sakura cuz she really like the bastard too and she had to pick sides and stuff…she sided with Sasuke…they haven't been the best of friends since. But I mean I guess it was a good choice cuz eventually they started going out and now its been what….almost a year. Shit dawg. That's forever. But I guess cool for him.

"FYI? Are you fer real woman? That's _so_ elementary." Haha I don't like her either, had to say something to her. What now. Razzle Mc Dazzle me… bitch.

She rolled her eyes, psh. "Look. I was _ASKED _here. Treat your guests with respect."

"Yeah I will when I have a _guest_."

"Well I've never!"

I snorted. Man. "That's the biggest load of bull I've ever heard in my life."

"(Insert scoff)" I swear that's all that chick ever does.

I feel for Shikamaru dude. I have no freakin' idea how he can deal with this mad woman all day. I think its been hmm…..maybe three or four months? Long ass time.

"Ino" Neji finally speaks…damn monk status… "We _all_ appreciate your help but right now were just making sure we have everything."

That mediator Neji is. What a good kid. His momma must be proud…well you get the idea.

Sasuke and Sakura are off in there little corner… again.

No no you sickos! They're not doing the nasty, er anythan like that. He just seems pretty darn pissed. And boy he's never pissed when he talks to Sakura. Except for that one time at the water park and they got into this huge fight, then she went off with the lifeguard and **then** Sasuke kicked that guys ass. It was pretty epic. He should've learned to guard his own life first ya know what I mean?

So its been about 20 minutes now, all the shits packed and stacked away. 12:20 on the dot. We're on time….fer once. This is pretty much a record for us. We're always late. So then we head out. Sas-o and Nej said we couldn't drive there…so yup you guessed it, we walked. Like the guys and I didn't mind it. It wasn't that far anyways. But the girls….ughh. They bitched and moaned about the whole deal. Not cool man. And we were kinda tried cuz we forgot to take our extra dose of Vitamin C. (Caffeine). Neji even lost his cool on our expedition. No joke. He just told them as is, which translates into "Shut the HELL up." yeah monk-o-funk lost it man. But they were so surprised they haven't complained since, which is exactly six minutes and twenty three seconds ago. I know my watch is the . PSH. No it is not digital.

So we FINALLY arrived at Hinata's house. Which is Neji's house too. But he lives in the guest house….I always tell him he can crash at my place, or Sasuke's cuz it's the same thing. But no. He's all I have to stay home, weirdo much? Like Sasuke's offered me and stuff, but hey I got this whole get up, and Jiriya said I wasn't allowed to sell it, so I gotta live there right? And Sasuke, well he's just not allowed to sell that shin-dig cuz uhm I guess its like supposed to be kept in the family…and Sasuke's the only one left…y'all know his story already. So were here, at Hinata's big ass house. Dude this place is friggin creepy at night. Its like one of those houses you see in those horror movies that end up going horrible wrong.

Hate transition chappies…..but yeah. Sorry its so short! I PROMISE I'll update. In less then two weeks. Maybe one. Not sure…

Thanks for all your support!


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